I took a long nap when I slept on you. Dreamy, steamy, like a mirage in the desert was my take on you. Always playful, tender, masculine and intelligent. It takes nothing for you to be thoughtful and cute. Brown eyed boy, with irises on fire and kissed by the sun. You don’t know your own light, I’m sure. A little tan Italian, muscles like rings around a tree, rugged and aged like barrel fostered bourbon, rare. Something like that. Curiosity, playfulness, sensitive but not soft–a real life hero, Nero, a man of valor and honor. Along all those years you were always in the background, I saw you but I could never see you. I was always flitting around, taking new ground and busy carving out my own way. Never ready to take it seriously, but always welcomed your endearing crash landings back into my life like a drop of dew sliding down a blade of grass, refreshing and welcome. You were something like home, safe and familiar. Never had the chance but I’d bet we’d give this love a run for its money. We’d run it up and burn it down to the grown, no crumbs left. Maybe we’d hurt each other too much, maybe that’s why God is protecting us from each other.  We grew up in the same backyard, with the same looming mountain on the backsplash. Painted jeans and faces with blue and gold, Bears in a sea of hawks. We lived through the same decades, walking through the same halls with metal lockers under gray clouds and drips of rain. Something about someone who has known you since you were in high school, but we never really knew each other. You never knew me. We never went deeper, but wish you would. But instead of breaking down walls, we play it safe, staying as moving picture projections on a wall, playing with each other as made up fantasies of who we are and what we could have been. I never knew your eyes were on me. You told me but it’s like grabbing a fistful of smoke, hard to grasp. Cutesy like. You were always an option, until you weren’t. You moved on and found a love that left you broken and burning. I can see your fire from Seattle to the Chicago sky. I know how that goes, I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest and my castle in the sky reduced to smoke and ruins on the ground. It took me forever to heal, I’m still walking with a limp, but instead of ashes I stand on solid ground, no longer left burning in flames. Some loves leave you forever changed, but baby you’ll see in time, you will love again. For whatever reason all the times we almost were, we weren’t. Circuits crashing, wires crossed, big metal doors swinging slowly shut on us. Blocked. Our love never did grow. We can’t even be friends now. But I’m on some savage shit now, healed, holy and whole. I know pushing on this pull won’t get me anywhere. Sparks flew when we massaged our trauma bonds. You love the chase and I never wanted to be caught. Took some time to heal and now I know you . My baby’s been injured. I pray the Lord nurses you back to health, that He would make your heart strong again. Lovely again. You are worth loving, and loving again. Timing. Timing has never been on our side. Will we ever have our dance, our prom? Maybe in another lifetime. Maybe in a dream. Maybe one day, maybe never again.