Of all the loves I’ve had, I know theres a reservation in my heart just for you. If patience is a virtue, I must be a demi god. I’ve loved and deeply cared for many and I’ve taken a piece of them with me that I hold closely onto my heart. Those memories are always with me. A wistful song through the radio waves, a sweet scent of a season or the warmth of sunshine on a really good day brings me back to you and you and you. I’ve been loved so passionately by you, adored and worshiped by you. I wasn’t in a place where I could receive your love, so I’m sorry that I took advantage of you, broke your heart and even shattered your dreams. I was not worthy of your affections–I wasn’t half of the woman I am today. If I could rewind time I would love each of to the degree of love you deserved. I’d kiss you, because I knew you were too afraid to kiss me. I would have done more than hold your hand that night we shared a twin bed at the UW dorms. I would have stargazed with you laying on a blanket under the Pacific Northwest Sky, practicing our Astronomy skills from our senior class. To the one who’s held my heart the longest and the standard by which I measure love, I would have taken the opportunity to learn from you more and stayed with you longer. I was so afraid and you were so serious. I remember when we drove through my neighborhood to find a place to park and kiss. Prom was one of the best nights of my entire night, because I was with you my best friend. Fiercely loyal to me, my greatest defender, love is still in your eyes after all these years–you never forget your first love. It took me over ten years to let go of you, every now and again I’ll have a good cry over it–but I know you were meant to fulfill your purpose with her. I would have weighed you down as I’ve struggled to find myself and grapple with life and God. And you, you were the one everyone thought was the One for me. I could never make peace with our relationship because deep down inside I knew it wasn’t all the way right. You were a close friend and I wish I could have loved you enough to really become you best friend. I was on another sphere when you tried to love and fix me. I was broken and all your prayers sustained me, getting me through all the things I was supposed to then. I’m happy you found love. You deserve of anyone I know to be loved deeply and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to. Thank you for your steadfastness and loyal love, grateful to have known you in the way I was able to. And you. I don’t know what to do with you. I’m sure this is just one of those things I ultimately hang up and walk away from like everything shiny that I like. Know these things, you are one of the most different and interesting people I have met. Knowing you makes me a better person. You challenge me on my thinking. You’re elusive and exciting to get to know. I just pray I can guard my heart keep my feet on the ground. Our paths have crossed again. Regardless of where our two roads go, like paths in a field, I will carry with me what I’ve learned from you. TBC